For a Reason

The last few years of my life did not go how I had planned them to. If all had gone according to plan, I would have my associates and be working on my bachelors. Possibly married, or at least dating, making a difference, and working towards a career I had decided on. My life didn't go the way I wanted it to. I ended up dropping out of school and losing my scholarship. I was stuck in Orem with a contract I could barely afford and a job to barely keep me afloat. I got my CNA, moved to Heber and started working right away. Right now I am a 21 year old freshman at Snow College who still doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up. These years have been very difficult for me, but I have learned so many valuable lessons that I wouldn't have learned any other way.

God puts people in our lives for a reason. If I was supposed to be in Orem, at UVU, living at Wolverine Crossing for no other reason than the people I met and the friends I made, I would be okay with that. I got a quote from a friend once that said "A friend is God's way of proving He doesn't want us to walk alone". I met some incredible, amazing, irreplaceable people that will be lifelong friends. I also learned that age is just a number, one of my dearest friends is 30 years older than me and it doesn't even matter to us. Old or young, friendships can be made and lessons can be learned from the age difference. People are put into our lives for smaller purposes also, but just because they are small doesn't make their impact any less significant. Relationships can be broken and friendships can fall apart, but there is always a lesson learned that you could have only learned with that person.

Family matters. Whether it's immediate or extended, family is important. I'm grateful for a family that supported me through the tough times, grandparents that always welcome me into their home, and a cousin who welcomed me into the family and home for a year. I know that I can count on my family for anything and they're always just a phone call away. I am lucky and blessed to have a close extended family, they are some of my closest friends. I miss them when I'm gone, but I know that no matter how long it's been I am always going home to people who love me.

Life is precious. I learned at a pretty young age that life on this earth was fragile. People aren't going to be here forever, loved ones can be taken away unexpectedly. You never know when the last time you see or talk to someone will be. I've learned about a different aspect in which life is precious. Working in home health care has taught me many lessons about life and the quality in which we live it. Some clients were old and nearing the end of their lives, but some were young with so much life ahead. Whether it be age, sickness, or injury that handicapped them, it was always attitude that made the difference in quality of life. Looking at them, you would probably feel sorry for them at first. I think it's a natural reaction for a lot of us who haven't dealt with it. I feel ashamed for feeling that way now, being in a wheelchair or blindness or diseases don't make you any less of a person. I don't think I've ever met happier people than the patients at the rehab center. They were so positive about recovery and didn't let this traumatic event hold them back. Life is what you make of it, life is to be lived!

Humility. Going along with quality of life, I worked with and around people who were way worse off than me physically. I was surrounded by people with crippling diseases or injuries that had left them wheelchair bound. These were people that had everything going for them- a pilot, top division soccer player, senior in high school. They have to work so hard every day to just do the little things that we take for granted. Standing, showering, going to the bathroom, cooking, feeding yourself, walking, driving, writing, getting yourself out of bed, combing your hair, brushing your teeth, etc.. Everything takes so much longer and so much more effort. Most had been doing these things themselves their whole lives and had to have a big slice of humble pie to let people help them. It was so exciting to watch someone take a step for the first time on their own or throw a ball, even just moving a finger or a limb was a huge accomplishment. Watching and helping them go through life was an incredible experience for me. I'm very grateful for a healthy body that does what I need it to do.

We live in a beautiful world. I loved living in Heber. Beauty in nature is so easy to find. I drove through Parley's canyon almost every day for work and loved it. I may not love the temperature changes of the seasons, but I do love the change in scenery. Whenever you get a chance, just "stop and smell the roses" look at the wonderful creations around us. I'm glad I live in a place where there are mountains and that beauty abounds.

God has his own plan for us, and it's much better than what we could have planned for ourselves. When we're going through trials it can be so hard to see the big picture. We have what we want in mind and when that doesn't happen we get mad or discouraged. Prayer is real, it works, but we have to be open to His will. Just put your life in the Lord's hands and try your best, everything will work out in the end. 

Looking back on my life now, I can see the bigger picture. Every trial and decision in my life has led me to where I am today and has shaped me into the person I am. I can see why these things happened and why my plan didn't work out. He is in every detail of our lives and wants nothing but the best for us. All we need is a little bit of faith to follow His plan :)

My angel without wings

I attended the funeral of one of my angels today. I'll be the first to tell you it wasn't easy (I was so afraid to go- I didn't think i could do it), but it was beautiful and I'm so glad I went. I felt the spirit so strong at the service today that I just can't keep what I felt to myself. First, I'll give you a little history of my experience with the amazing Mrs. Barnard.

Mrs. Barnard... My senior year we all got new advisory teachers. I was NOT happy about this.. I don't like change, I had the same teacher my sophomore and junior year and was comfortable with her. I had never even heard of Christy Barnard and just thought it would be another stupid advisory class where the teacher just puts a movie in and doesn't care if we're there or not. Boy was I wrong! The first time I walked into her classroom she talked to us like she cared. She was GENUINE. She was a friend, and she taught me and many others more than she'll ever know.

She was open with us in class, so we could be open with her. She told us about her family and how much she loved her kids and husband. I remember the day she told us she had cancer. She jokingly said that we shouldn't be alarmed if we notice her hair falling out and her wearing hats more often. I just wanted to cry, but her attitude made me look at it with the same faith she did. Cancer could never beat her. Never.

Weeks went by and we saw less and less hair, but never a loss of faith. I never saw her be sorry for herself. She was always worried about us and how we were doing. I remember countless visits with her at lunch, during her prep, after school. She was always there when I needed her. I struggled during that year in school. I got really sick and doctors didn't know what it was and it wasn't getting better. She was my strength through that, and pretty much any other problem I had in school. She cared so much, and it meant so much to me that she did. To talk to someone who truly understood sickness- more than I will probably ever understand -meant everything to me. I always walked out of her room feeling enlightened and so much better.

Even when she started getting worse and wasn't able to come to school very much, she still came back with the determination and desire to teach us. She had every excuse to just stay home- but she didn't. She cared too much. She never complained about anything. She just listened and taught us with her outstanding example of selflessness.

When I heard about her passing on Christmas Eve I was devastated. My brother even said "what a crappy Christmas for the Barnard's". Then a thought came to me... maybe it wasn't as crappy as we think. I can only imagine how happy Christy must have been to go home to Christ during the very season we celebrate His birth! It has given me an opportunity to more fully appreciate what Christmas is all about. My perfect example of Christlike love has left this earth to serve in ways she wasn't able to because of her body.

I know that she lives, because He lives. We can let her live on as we strive to be more like Christ/Christy. We can all do our best to be a little better, love a little more, and to be a true friend. I miss her so much and it makes me so sad to lose her. But I know that cancer didn't beat Christy, all it did was separate her body and spirit for a while. By living her legacy, we make sure cancer doesn't win. Cancer will never beat her. Never!

I know what I know

The past few months I've really been thinking about my testimony. What do I believe? What do I really know to be true? The last three fast Sunday's have been very thoughtful days for me, mostly because I've never had enough courage to share it in sacrament meeting- or anywhere in public for that matter. I always get the feeling to go up and share what I know- granted it's sometimes from whoever is sitting next to me! I love to hear what everyone else has to say. I love to hear what they know... and that just strengthens my testimony! I'm just too chicken to even talk in front of my little ward. This past fast Sunday in particular has had a big impact on my views of testimony. I was preparing to share- yes I'm that scared, so I had to pump myself up for it haha. I figured I could quiet some of the people that nudge me to go up and do something for myself. This was the week I was going to share it. People could listen to me for a minute, right? Wrong! Once I walked into the chapel fear overcame me. There was no way I was getting up... no matter what anyone said, even if I was dragged up to the pulpit- I just couldn't do it. A friend told me to go up and share because they knew my testimony was freakin strong. I let my fear get in the way and just blew it off... but what she said really got me thinking. I have to admit that my first thought was "well if you know I have a strong testimony-why do I need to share it? take that!". I know, I know, not the best thoughts I could be having, but it led me to better ones. I got to thinking about how others share their testimonies even though people know they have strong ones. I started thinking about how much I loved hearing their testimonies- even if they do get up every fast Sunday. What if somebody needed to hear what I had to say, but I let fear get in the way and didn't get up? Why should I be afraid to share what I know with all of my heart? Why am I hiding it, keeping my testimony to myself? Why won't I let anyone hear? Why am I acting so ashamed of the truths that are so evident in my heart? Maybe it's time to get over my fear.... I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable talking, or sharing something that's so personal and dear to me. But one of these days I will share it in public!! For now, I've decided to share it through my blog. I need to take baby steps, but I'll get there :). More little kids get up and share their sweet testimonies in my home ward than adults. They're so excited to share and so proud of their testimony! They aren't afraid to say what they know, even if five other kids have said the same thing, even if it's so simple. I need to be more like a little child- one of the things that holds me back is that others have said what I have to say. I shouldn't let that stop me anymore. My heart seems to burst at the seams every time I hear a truth, every time I hear something that I also know. I don't know if I can put what I feel and know in my heart and soul into words. My heart speaks much louder than my mind- and I kind of need that to tell me what words to say to accurately express my feelings! I just need to have faith that the spirit will share what I feel in my heart even if there's no way for me to put them into words.

I know that my redeemer lives, He is my rock, my salvation. He's my best friend- He's ALWAYS there for me. Although I have neglected him way too many times, he's waiting for me with his arms wide open- just a prayer away. He has saved each and every one of us. Not only from our sins, but from our sorrows, griefs, fears, pains. He has wiped away my tears and comforted me in every single trial. He surrounds me with guardian angels- from both the other side and angels here on earth to comfort and protect me. Oh how sweet it is to see and feel His love in everything. I know that He lives and loves me. He knows me better than I know myself. There is a plan and I need to go by His plan- Not mine! Everything happens for a reason. Every loss, death, accomplishment, decision, etc. are all part of His plan! Life can be soooo hard, but it is for a reason. We grow and learn so much and can become so much closer to our Lord. Anything is possible through Christ and that strengthens me. I know I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't experienced the things that I have. Every trial has taught me something that I wouldn't have been able to learn any other way... or maybe was to stubborn to learn the easy way haha. My testimony has been strengthened through each and every hardship. I'm not saying I handle my trials with a positive attitude and love them because that is definitely not true. I haven't had the best reactions to what has happened to me most of the time- I do learn to have faith in the Lord's plan eventually and finally learn what I'm supposed to. It would be so much easier if I just had faith that everything is going to work out for my good. I need to trust my savior, if we could all do that we would be so happy! I know that He lives. I know it with all of my heart. He knows each and every one of us, He understands. He knows what's best for us. I know that because He lives, we will all live again. I know that I will be able to see my loved ones again, and I know that they aren't too far from where we are. Our savior is merciful and during special circumstances we get to feel those loved one's with us. He lets them be a part of our lives even though we can't see them. Even if it's just for a moment- I cherish those sweet moments with everything I have. I've been so blessed to be raised in this gospel. Without it I would be so lost and confused. I know that families are forever, the temple is such a blessing in my life. I look forward to the day when I can do more than baptisms. I look forward to the day I get to go there with the man of my dreams and be sealed for time and all eternity. I know that through Christ's atonement we can be cleansed from all of our sins to be worthy to enter into His sacred home. It's never too late and never too far to turn around. There will always be a road back to Christ:). We have so many guidelines to live by- help along the way. The scriptures, holy ghost, prophets, apostles, ward members and leaders, family, and friends. Even a direct line of communication with our father in heaven! Prayer is such a blessing. It's like a cell phone that never dies or loses signal, and the person at the other end will never ignore you, not even at 3 in the morning or when you ask for something seemingly impossible. He will always answer. Always and no matter what! It may not be the way we want or expect, it may not be in the time we want it to happen, but we will get an answer. I love this gospel and I know it's true. I know that I am a daughter of God. More often than not I forget that. I forget what that really means. I feel at times that I'll never be good enough and there's no way that I can get back to Him or that He can still love me. But I am His daughter and that will ALWAYS be enough. I have grown so much in the last few months. I have my savior to thank for that. I'm thankful for the holy ghost and his quiet promptings. For those who have listened to his promptings and acted on them in my behalf. I hope to become more like Christ, to at least see others as he does, to love them like he does. I don't know how I know what I do in my mind, but my heart knows. And I know this church is true, and everything about it is true!

My words might just seem like rambling, but I hope this touches whoever reads this. I hope somebody can feel some peace, just one person. I love you all! :) and Christ loves you more:)

Charity

Cheering Each Other On

Jacob Fullmer, “Cheering Each Other On,” NewEra, Sep 2009, 16–20

When two high school cheerleaders made a move to help someone else, they had no idea how much it would help them as well.

The basketball arcs through the air and whips through the net. A timeout is called. Before play starts again, the cheering intensifies. As it morphs into words, however, it becomes clear the crowd isn’t cheering for the team. “We love Brittany! We love Brittany!” bounces around the gym as a quiet girl on the sideline starts to blush.

Brittany Crockett is this year’s honorary cheerleader at Syracuse High School in northern Utah. As the other cheerleaders roll through a line of backflips and handsprings, she speeds to the center of the court, closes her eyes, and does a 360 in her wheelchair.

Brittany has muscular dystrophy. And her experience as a cheerleader is proof of just how powerful kindness and determination can be.

In the Beginning

When Brittany was only one year old, she was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy, a disease that slowly weakens the muscles until they don’t work correctly. Doctors told her parents she wouldn’t live another year. Fourteen years later, doctors again told her the same thing. But Brittany does try to beat the odds in just about everything.

“One time when I was little and I had more strength, I tried to stand up. I was so mad. I said to myself, ‘I am going to beat this and that’s that!’” she says.

With that kind of determination, trying out for the cheerleading squad didn’t seem too tough. After all, Brittany is pretty much like everyone else her age, except for a few things, like her new high-powered wheelchair. Her friends talk about it like it’s a brand new car.

Another difference is that when Brittany misses school because of her health, she would rather be in class than at home. And while some teens her age might obsess over fashion, she doesn’t even know her own shoe size, a consequence of being physically unable to put them on. Because the disease weakens all of her muscles, she can’t perform some simple things we take for granted, like being able to cough without the aid of a machine.

Cheering with Her

Brittany first became excited about cheerleading in junior high. It looked to her like something she could handle. As high school started, she didn’t forget that feeling.

“She constantly mentioned it. Over and over again I would hear, ‘I wish I could do that,’” her mom says. “And then one day, she said, ‘I want to do it.’” And with that conviction, her parents started asking around to see what that would take.

At first, the school district said no, over concern for Brittany’s health and safety. “We just kind of accepted it and moved on,” Brittany says. She planned to ask again the following year, but then, a surprise phone call let her know she wouldn’t have to wait.

“We had heard this girl with muscular dystrophy wanted to be a cheerleader,” says Kaitlyn Glauser. Though nervous about being told no herself, she recruited the help of another friend and fellow cheerleader, Elleny Swanson. Then the two of them did what cheerleaders are taught to do—rally support.

They generated an explosion of excitement from administrators and students alike. The district reconsidered and said with so many people urging her on, they approved. But the biggest shock came when they broke the news to Brittany.

“I just wasn’t ready for it,” Brittany says. She had nearly forgotten about her wish while Kaitlyn and Elleny had been asking for permission. “We wanted to make her dream come true,” Elleny says.

And as her dream came true, some of the school’s dreams did, too. With Brittany on the sidelines, the football team went from two wins and 11 losses the previous year, to qualifying for the state semifinals the next year. Believe it or not, the team won every game Brittany cheered for and lost every one she couldn’t attend.

“The cheerleaders started calling me their lucky charm. I’d get calls, ‘You’ve got to come! You’ve got to come so we can win!’” Brittany says.

Giving Back

It would be fine if the story ended there, but don’t forget that those who give service often feel the most served in return.

At games, the student body chants for Brittany as loud as they cheer for the team—if not louder. Her contagious happiness and “feisty side” create a lot of incentive for the squad members to become better individuals.

Brittany, on the other hand, is humble when talking about her own contributions. “All I’ve done is just be on the squad. I feel like I need to give them something.” The girls will tell you otherwise.

“She does so much for the squad. It makes us better people because Brittany is there. We love having her with us,” Elleny says. Their focus on helping one another has helped get rid of any high school “drama” between the girls. “We’re all very best friends,” Elleny says.

“I don’t think we really knew how big this was going to be,” Kaitlyn admits.

These youth learned a little more about what the Savior meant when He taught, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it” (Mark 8:35).

“Bringing Brittany on the squad had an impact on our whole school, not just our squad—and not just Brittany’s life,” Elleny says. “It was so cool to see how a community could come together because of one girl. That’s when you realize what it’s all about. It’s all about giving back.”

And all this happened because two young women, and then a group of high school teens, gave up thinking about themselves by going out of their way to include someone else. That’s the kind of high school history we all want to be a part of.

Three Cheers for Family, Friends, and Church

There’s a sign over Brittany’s bed that reads, “See yourself as God sees you.” That’s a good summary of what others have done for her and of what she has done for friends, family, and ward members.

“At church, the other kids just take her situation and run with it,” says Brittany’s mother, Heidi. “They come up with ideas on how to involve her, more than I ever could.”

“Her circumstance has helped us to see the very best in those around her,” says her father, Doug. “She is included in a great circle of friendship.”

“Brittany is an example of unwavering optimism,” says fellow West Point Eighth Ward member Emily Davis, 13. “If you’re having a bad day, seeing how happy she is makes your day better,” says another ward member, Caitlin Steed, 12.

Brittany finds joy in simple things like studying the scriptures or walking the dog with her little sister, Ashley. “I know the time will come when my physical problems will be resolved,” Brittany says. “I just don’t know when, so in the meantime I try to find the blessings in my life.”

With faith in her Heavenly Father, she is both cheerful and cheering others along.

NEmore

For more photos and a video of Brittany and her family and friends, go to newera.lds.org.

Brittany has been excited about cheerleading since junior high. She believed she could do it from her wheelchair. But it wasn’t until high school that friends got involved and she was finally given a chance. She has returned the favor by strengthening everyone around her. In fact, the football team was so grateful to her that they all signed a game ball , which she keeps on her shelf.

Whether it’s at a game or after practice, Brittany finds herself surrounded by respect and love, and she reflects them to others. “She’s really made an impact on all of us,” says Elleny Swanson. “She has the light of Christ in her, and everyone knows it. Having that influence on the team was the extra good thing that we needed.”

I've been so blessed with the opportunity to know Brittany. A while back, Britt wasn't able to read the Book of Mormon on her own, but she wasn't going to let that stop her from reading it. She had people volunteer to read it to her, I was lucky enough to be one of those volunteers. I have learned so much from Brittany in the short amount of time we've spent together. She is truly and example of charity and faith.

Britt never ceases to amaze me. I went to a lot of sports events in high school and there was always something different when she was there- more school spirit, cheering, support. I remember talking to her one day about girls basketball. She had been very sick and hadn't been to school for months, so obviously wasn't able to go to the games. Silly girl felt so bad that she hadn't been cheering at their games! What she didn't know was that she was at the games(kinda)... The team wrote her initials on their calves for every game. How amazing is that? Even when she isn't around she still has a huge impact!

She volunteers at nursing homes and plays games with them, she always has a smile on her face that could brighten anyone's day, and is a great person to be around. Of all people, she has an excuse to just worry about herself and not serve anyone. But that's just not Brittany! A week ago she asked to do a fundraiser for a friends mom who had been diagnosed with leukemia. I think we could all be more like her.. the world would be a better place!

Brittany, if you're reading this I want you to know that you are so loved and adored. So many people look up to you. I've only really met you this past year, but even in junior high when you probably had no idea who i was- I was definitely a fan of you:). I can honestly say that because I know you I have been changed for good, and I am willing to bet that almost anyone who has heard your story or has met you can say the same. You are an example to all of us, an example of selfless service, faith and charity. You are so humble with your circumstances and you make me want to be a better person. You have made a huge impact on my life and everyone around you. You are so strong and beautiful. I don't know if one girl has ever had much influence in a small town, but you've done it! If it wasn't for you Syracuse High wouldn't have much spirit, or love for each other. Just by being a part of the school you made it better, people wanted to serve and looked past physical appearances. Thank you for your example and your sweet spirit. I love you Britt!!!

Happy birthday Luke! I miss you and can't wait to see you again :)

Luke Jason Strickland SYRACUSE - Luke Jason Strickland passed away peacefully
at home with his family on May 28, 2005. Luke's passing was the result of
complications from a near drowning accident on May 8, 2005. Luke was a sweet,
perfect baby in the eyes of his family, friends, and especially his mom and
dad. He was affectionately referred to as biggie boys and cutest. Luke got the
most out of his short 19 months of life. He loved being outside pushing toys,
playing with his brother and sister, reading books, and especially following
the ducks. Luke enjoyed all people. He was very friendly and often said hi in
his own special way. He was constantly found with a smile on his face and a
friendly personality that made everyone happy. He loved his family and has a
special bond with his brother Tate, and sister Savannah, that will extend
beyond this earthly life. He was always happy, patient, kind, funny, and
lovable. We truly feel blessed to have been chosen his parents even for such a
short period of time. He has taught us greatly and our lives will never be
the same. Thank you, Luke. Luke will be greatly missed throughout this life,
but we know we will be together with him as a family through the eternities.
Luke is survived by his dad (Jason Strickland), mom (Kristy Parkinson
Strickland), sister (Savannah Strickland), brother (Tate Strickland),
Grandparents (Jerry and Ardith Parkinson, and Pete and Linda Strickland).

I miss this kid like crazy, I can't believe it's already been 5 years since he passed. I absolutely love and adore him and his family. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to be a part of their lives. ive learned so much from this family and how they've gone through this trial. I've losst a lot of people in my life and losing Luke was oone of the hardest things ive ever been through. I was 13 years old and Luke was like a brother. His death was so unexpected, so hard for me to comprehend, and it hurt so bad. I felt like a part of me died with him and I was devastated for a very long time. I didn't know why Heavenly Father had to take Luke... he was perfect, loved, and so young. The day he drowned was mothers day, it should have been a happy day for his mom- but turned out to be a living hell.

I think the hardest part for me was not being able to say goodbye. I babysat him the night before the accident and to this day I still wonder if I made his night the best last night he could have. I hope I didn't just put him in his crib with a bottle and let him cry himself to sleep. I hope I read him his favorite books, rocked him to sleep and sang to him. At times I wish I would have known that it was his last night here on earth, that I wouldve known to be more loving and valued my time with him more. But then again, I wouldnt have learned from this trial. Now I don't take life for granted. I try to treat every single encounter with someone like it could be the last, love like there's no tomorrow, and live without regrets.

For the longest time I asked "why?", but now I ask "what can I learn from this, what is Heavenly Father trying to teach me?". I may never understand why He took Luke from us so soon, but I know he had a reason. If we can learn to accept His will we can be happy.

I love and miss Luke so much, but I know this happened for a reason. This has been, and still is, a very hard thing to get through. I've learned and grown so much from losing Luke that I wouldnt have with anything else. Watching the how the family has grown is also a huge comfort to me. Luke is still there, his memory will always live on. Just because the person you love dies, doesn't mean your feelings end. They get stronger.

I hope that because I have lost loved ones that I can help others who are going through the same thing. Sometimes Heavenly Father answers prayers through other people. I hope that if I ever have the opportunity that I will be an answer to a prayer. If I could just help just one person through a trial, going through all these deaths would be more than worth it.

Luke would be 7 years old today. I can't help but think about who he would be today, but I know that he is happy and doesn't want us crying for him down here. It's been so fun to watch his brothers and sisters grow up, to see how different they all are and to see little glimpses of Luke shine through in them. I know I'll see him again someday and I can't wait. Happy birthday Luke, I love you!

I absolutely adore this girl. She is the sweetest girl ever.

A new chapter!

College... what an experience! I'm not gonna lie, I hated it at first. I'm pretty much over that now though! (except I still hate paying rent..) I miss my friends and family like crazy, but it's nice to visit on occasion. I've made so many new friends here and I love my ward. I have learned a whole lot just in this month living on my own. My eyes have been opened! I see the consequences for my actions when i was younger, choices, and friends that have all had a huge impact. Family is more special to me now that they're not always here with me and I have found out who my real friends are.

I'm lovin life and can't wait to see what the future brings... come what may and love it:)